My bed (last night's delayed post)

tonight, a mysterious person added to my art installation over my bed! They put little nests of blue ribbons on parts of my trees which already have red ribbons tied on it. I love it. I love sleeping under random branches stuck in the corners of my bed. And these blue nests make it so much better. Thank you mysterious ribbon distributor. You are amazing.

I'm sorry I haven't updated as regularly as before. It's been crazy in a weird way. A way I haven't really understood why I'm so busy because I feel like I have a lot of time still. Last week was taken up a lot by trying to finish these play costumes and props. What a freakin ordeal. We found out that the saffron dress I made was hideous (which it was because I didn't have measurements or a dress model or a working machine or whatever) and so we had to find another one quick. Danna and I spent all of Wednesday driving around, getting lost at literally every step of the mapquest directions, thrift shopping for this stupid dress. We didn't find a saffron one, so we got a white one and then got dye and dyed it saffron. And then, we stopped at the laundry mat to finish drying the dresses because I had just dyed them, and we made it to the rehearsal before it ended, and SHE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK CLOSELY AT THE DRESSES WE'D SPENT ALL DAY ON!!! It was crazy. I presented her with four dresses - one that I altered a bunch, and two that we thrifted for and then I'd dyed. And the last one was some yellow dress I just threw in there at the last minute, an Elsewhere dress. And that's the one she liked. One of the ones I'd pulled from the closet the week before. So crazy. Commissions are so much work. I guess I learned about how to make it seem like you know what you're doing. And how to work with impossibly specific and difficult considerations.

I spent a lot of time in the car with Danna talking about elsewhere and how the staff works. It feels like it could work better, and I think everyone knows that, it's just about figuring out how to actually make that happen. It seems like Stephanie and George and Mary and Danna do a ton of work all the time, and then there are a bunch of interns hanging around that do important things, but also could be taking some of the slack off of everyone else. At the same time, there is something really nice about doing data entry into this big database of media emails with Lily and George - it makes it feel less like mindless work and I get to interact with people really in charge of this whole operation, not just someone who's my supervisor or delegator. At the same time, that's not the best use of George's time. I've been feeling really weird and upset because I realized I'm leaving in about two and a half weeks and that just seems way too soon. I wish I were staying all summer. I feel like even in just the last week I've found my place here so much more and really settled down, like I could figure out what I'm doing here more now or how I could work better. But I'm leaving! Because they said the internship ends July 9! But now everyone's saying I should stay forever!

I realized I was worried that I'm not important or no one will care when I'm gone. Which is totally my own thing and not the fault of the internship length or elsewhere or whatever. I know that my job here is to support what's going on and do what's needed to make this thing run or make it so that other people have more time to do jobs I can't do. So I do other things like cook dinner on the busy night or make the saffron dress or really scrub down the dishroom. I think because i'm good at a lot of little things and I don't complain about doing some dirty work I end up doing that stuff a lot in situations I'm in and then I feel dispensable even though I know I'm appreciated and I'm making a difference somehow.

So today I overheard another intern (from Greensboro) Chelsea talking to George about ways to make elsewhere run better and so I stepped into that conversation and it was really great to talk about it and make concrete ways for the intern system to run better and be delegated. And George sorta saw what I was saying about someone needing to do the actually work but me also wanting to take on more responsibility and he said that there was something in me being the chef and having all those things taken care of so that other people can make the events happen. And that that role could be the whistle blower, or the person who starts things like the all-staff event clean or right before the event gathers everyone together, is the person who declares it begun and everyone on the same page. I sorta feel like that's throwing me a bone for what I already do, but it's also just re-framing it and it makes sense. That's more of a job that I feel inspired by and about doing, and something that I could really make into something. More than just being the person who picks up whatever slack, instead I could be the person who's generating the whole staff working and that mostly could include picking up slack. Maybe i'm making this all sound too grandiose. But I've just been thinking a lot lately about how my role here could grow, and how I feel limited even to decorate my room because I'm leaving so soon, and how I don't know how I fit in in most organizations I'm in because I so often take roles which support other people -- which I'm good at -- but maybe I need to think about how I could support others in a way that doesn't always have me cleaning the dishroom? But maybe that's just what I need to be doing right now. man, putting things up on the internet really makes it seem forever and like it has to be important. I hope those last three heavy paragraphs didn't weigh anyone down too much.

Because I'm really not just doing lame stuff around here. I am really taking on this week making some of my own artwork (waking up at the crack of dawn!) and also working in the space in a way that is exciting AND supportive. Today and yesterday I worked with Brian, a new artist resident who arrived last Thursday, in clearing out the third floor pile of crap. He wants to do an installation in a room on the second floor that is currently filled with haphazardly piled wood. So we're going to build a new wood organization structure on the third floor and then he can make his installation in that room on the second. But that meant attacking "shit continent" which is a pile of stuff moved out of the first and second floors five years ago and piled in half of the large room on the third floor and literally held back with chicken wire and disguised with blue fabric (if we can't see it it doesn't exist!) So it was just really great to really attack something and find all this great stuff and just be on a discovery tour and make clear progress in the space. I can't wait to keep going, and to start clearing out the wood room, and just have all this creation going on around me.

As part of clearing out the stuff on the third floor, we found a pile of disintegrating army surplus supplies. One of the installations on the third floor took all of the army surplus items in all of Elsewhere and the artist inspected each piece and labeled it "serviceable" or "unserviceable" based on real military standards, and then numbered each item, cataloged it, and placed it in this one room. It's a really intense and awesome installation (and super creepy at specific times of night) and has a log book for taking out or putting in any items from the room. So part of clearing the third floor was entering in this stuff we found and putting it into this other installation.

Also, Travis was working on the bathroom he's clearing out and then adding dust and a whole installation to and so we kept hearing great dripping noises and all other noises while he's sitting in the room next door, next to a bathtub and sink that he spray adhesive-d dust that I collected for him from the vacuum and it was just really cool. I can't wait to see how it keeps going.

Another exciting thing going on is this Obama Unite for Change House party I'm organizing. It's going to be at the cheesecake store down the road because Elsewhere is a nonprofit and can't really hold those kinds of things, and I put my fingers out on the internet and have all these people I don't know confirming that they're coming and that's really exciting, and then I also made a rockin poster (using some elsewhere solar system phamphlet I found and my signature tearing the words out and scanning-- I love the scanner) so I'm gonna pick that up and distribute it tomorrow before the staff meeting. I'm so excited! I'm gonna wake up early, make some art out of movie seat covers, bike to the copy shop with Lily, have a staff meeting, clean the space, and then haul some more shit with Brian! What a great life! And I even get to wear a great dress while doing it all! I found this sorta scout-looking dress with red zippers and pockets all over so I thought it would be a great big cleaning day dress.

Even more random things that are exciting:

    * I had a hairwrap! in my hair! for about four hours. It was so great. Danna put it in my hair in the back behind my ear, the longest pieces of my hair (about 3 inches! wow. I hadn't really measured or thought about it in a while. I remember now when I was pinching my hair and calling it long...) And it was great. It was red and golden-yellow and saffron ribbon and a grey light blue and she put in a white feather too! But really my hair's still too short, and it fell out when I took a shower.
    * I gave a tour with Eliza (another intern) to a real outside person! It went well. I feel like I learned a lot about some rooms I didn't know so much about from Eliza, and it was just really exciting to talk about Elsewhere to someone else. You should come visit so I can give you an official tour too!
    * Travis (one of the residents) and I made dinner last friday and it was so good (wow, I think this list could be renamed, "I did this. And It was so great.") We made pizza in three flavors: spicy garlic-y mushrooms and onions, spinach artichoke, broccoli, and bean feta tomato and cilantro (inspired by Amherst's Antonios pizza!). A real morale booster on the end of a crazy week.
    * Danna's best friend, Aaron came to visit and he went to Umass and so we had lots to talk about about Amherst. And it was funny to be talking about Hampshire and Amherst things here-- also refreshing. I miss my mod 4squared sisters and everyone around Hampshire! Oh what am I saying. I miss everyone. I have too many people I love who are all over the place.
    * When Danna and I went to Raleigh to pick up Aaron, we got to go to locopops in Chapel Hill and OMG! I got locopops for everyone and it was quite a production. Mango Passionfruit was amazing, as was the Thai Rice Pudding. And the Chocolate Sesame Wasabi flavor had some kick! I love locopops. Locopops is the reason why I will always return to North Carolina. And because I love it here. This is my crush state. As a little kid I figured out I would end up here because Texas and Florida were too hot, and Pittsburgh was too cold, so I picked a state in the middle. Also, I had this rule in my head thinking that once you lived in a state, you can never live there again. So my options were a little more limited.

Ok. No more hating, no more complaining, no more feeling insignificant or small or worthless here. I am on a mission! I am so pumped! I can't believe I have to go to bed and lay comatose for upwards of 7 hours! What a waste of time! at least I get to sleep under my newly embellished trees.

Goodnight everyone.