2 posts tagged “feelings”

some magical things happened on the vacation drive home. I was talking with some of the residents (molly, rachelle, and eliza, the esteemed riders in my car) about elsewhere and i could all of a sudden see outside of myself. They talked about how amazed they were to step into this community, one which was so incredibly generous, so enthusiastic, so positive and excited. How they'd never seen a group be so much of a group, so intensely together and dedicated to doing things together, to taking care of each other, to welcoming the new residents in and making them feel a part of the family. How they'd overhear a meeting in the kitchen, and realize that we actually were having a 45 minute conversation and debate about whether or not to cook frozen pizzas on friday (public event) night dinners -- were they easier to make? easier to clean up? easier to eat? cheaper? or just as much trouble as other food? do we even like pizza? They said how amazed they were to see that actually happening with such dedication and seriousness.

And eliza said how seeing that, and seeing everyone jump in so whole-heartedly into molly's performance last friday (which involved all of us performing as some body-system-part --- i was the mouth chomping in the digestive system! it was an incredibly sweaty costume and a really bizzarre experience interacting with people in body-sacks as a chomping/bowing mouth...) inspired her to make bathing suits for everyone in the community, even though it would be a lot of work. that she was totally willing to give as much as we were because she knew it would be reciprocated.

I'm trying to figure out what it is about elsewhere that i have fallen in love with -- and get frustrated by and confused by and discombobulated and inspired and lost in. what is the essence that i am so drawn to, that makes this place -- certainly not greensboro of which i know very very little about -- feel like home? how can this be entirely beautiful, rewarding, real, visceral, tangible as i can reach out and touch my roommate's foot, sweaty and stinking, bubbling and delicious, but also entirely removed, in a world of its own, un-real and imagined. temporary but forever?

i'm not a poet, but i'm an artist so i can say these things. also, i mean them. i am learning to bathe in my confusion and thoughts, instead of continuing to struggle and drown in them.

first of all, i just want to point out this blog's feature of tags. I thought it would be really interesting to see which topics I talk about most, and I think it's hillarious and unsurprising that dinner is the largest tag there. i love dinner.

This morning a whole crew of us woke up early and went to breakfast at a diner for Danna's last day! It was Lily and my's idea. But it was mary, danna, stephanie, saralee, travis, j., lily and me! it was so fun. and so good. but now i want to throw up. everyone else seemed to go back to bed. and i kinda want to, but i'm also SOOOO excited to have finally woken up early! I escaped the pull of that cave monster bed! Even though I recently hung up a picture of cows being milked next to my bed. which I thought was really funny or cute when I first put it aside, but as I was hanging it I suddenly thought, what the heck am I doing?

Yesterday I spent the whole day with Travis in his bathroom on the third floor. I told him he really should take advantage of more bathroom jokes. Or just sign up to do the bathroom cleaning chores all week. It'd be just hilarious. But it was great and gross. First I sifted through dust, to pick out all the big pieces. Cause we got this dust from the vacuum cleaners. Then I sorted through hair and picked out the stupid fake red pieces. And then we glued hair to the floor! For real mom! I glued hair to the floor. It's kinda like the opposite of something you want to do. Like, "oh, be careful or you might glue that hair to the floor!" I felt like I was making a toupee. Which I was! for the floor! the end result is really cozy actually. and kinda gross and matted. but I've become somewhat of a hair-glueing expert. Maybe i'll go into the wig making profession. It was pretty great working up there though. The installation is really coming together. I'm so excited for his artist conversation this week. I think we should all dress up really dressy. like ties and dresses. But I love dressing up. and men in ties.

Some things I haven't posted about:

1. the Obama party I organized went great! 45 people came! and we had free brownies! and we all sat in the freaking 95 degree weather and no one passed out! In fact, we couldn't get people to stop talking about obama. It felt a little cheesy, like we weren't doing much, but it was exciting to get that many people together and pumped.
   
2. I forgot to write about CITY when we played it a billion weeks ago. it was so fun! I loved the dance party part. My dancing name is Tina LeRue. For City, my character's name was Rose Candyland. And I sold cake, because I made cake that day. two buttons per slice, an extra three for delivery. It was basically just a big game of pretend. and there was a bizzare plot involving keeping all the fans hostage in the log cabin, and the state regulating circulation because it was potentially hazardous. i got held hostage at one point because I found out about the fans, and they took all my buttons. Then they let us go and we started a gym (Gymerobia) in front of the log cabin to watch who got to go in or out of the cabin. Lily had a great character. She was looking for her husband, whom she may or may not have killed, and her businesses were to fan you, find her husband, and kill hussies.
   

Right now we are listening to the knife. I love it. such a great morning beat! Sam, get on that on emusic so i can steal it from you. It's really making my morning come alive.

Today is Danna's last day. I'm really sad. but she says that I'm a part of her life now, and I can't help it. so we have to see each other again. It's gonna happen. All of a sudden there's like 10 times more reason for me to visit Chicago.

Last night Stephanie excavated her bed from all the stuff in her room, and had a raffle party. I acquired pointy brown high heels! I can't even walk in them. I don't know how i feel about pointy shoes. my toes aren't pointy, so should my shoes be pointy? I just feel entirely different wearing pointy high heels. Also, lily and I found more inner liners to make more liner art out of.

I re did the community calendar for july. I think it did a much better job this month than last month. I added more cards and more color coding, and also added staff arrivals and departures, because I think that's important. I was a little sad that I wasn't up on that calendar when I came. So now the new people can feel special! Although, I told lily she can't like them more than me.

I also redid the kitchen chandelier. The christmas lights burnt out, so I had to dismantle the whole thing. But I added a zipper fringe! I really love it. I really have been wanting to use those zippers for something. Pictures forthcoming (when my camera starts working again)

Also, yesterday me and mary and lily talked about our feelings. Mary said she is trying to implement a way that we can all talk about our feelings in a general way about how we are doing here because they are important and maybe in all the rush it can get overlooked. You have to make time for feelings. I felt better.

Onto homework! For a real class! oh man, school work is bringing me down. enough of this lala land art world. i have to take TESTS for this online class. weird.